By Glenda S. Stansbury
It was 1999. Doug Manning and I stood in the Dodge Auditorium at Mount Ida College in Newton, MA. Sitting in the seats were 50 brave people who had answered the invitation to come see this new approach to creating services that would help and heal and make a difference in the lives of grieving people.
We were slightly nervous, trying this for the first time. We had put together materials; we had a flip chart–this was long before laptops and PowerPoint–and we had a vision. So, for three days we talked about it, shared ideas and in those moments, the Funeral Celebrant movement was born.
What was the vision? That the funeral service itself needed to be the first important step in the grieving process. That the funeral service itself needed to be personalized and customized to reflect the life of the person being honored. That the funeral service itself had historically ignored or missed the needs of families who were not affiliated with a faith tradition or did not wish to have a traditional religious or liturgical experience. That the funeral service itself needed to change. Now.
The concept of Funeral Celebrants came from the experiences of deathcare professionals in Australia and New Zealand who had been utilizing Civil Celebrants in their countries for more than two decades. They had found that creating one-of-a-kind funerals was a meaningful gift to families and a boost in business for the firms. People will come to a place that offers ears and stories and creativity and talent.
We knew that cremation was beginning to make a significant impact upon the funeral business and that a growing number of people were self-identifying as “nones,” people who did not identify as being religious. We also knew that funeral service had been so engaged and tied to religious traditions that funeral directors were at a loss as to how to even offer something different to those families. So, they stood at the door and watched people walk away with the urn in their hands with no service. Not good for grieving families. Not good for funeral professionals.
We saw celebrants as part of the answer. A different way to think about how to create and craft services. A new practice of storytelling as healing. A unique approach that could transform funeral firms.
And after our first experience, we hit the road. We were a five-person family-owned publishing company in Oklahoma City, OK, publishing Doug’s books on grief and life transitions and scheduling his speaking engagements. We had no national presence or influence. But we would not be denied. We would pick out a few cities, book a hotel, send out information and invitations and hope that people would show up. Sometimes they did. Sometimes they did not. It was a hard slog for a few years.
And then the New Jersey State Funeral Directors Association entered the story. Doug and I gave a presentation on Celebrants for the Cremation Association of North America convention in New York City in 2002. George R. Kelder Jr., CFSP, the current executive director and CEO of the NJSFDA, and Wilson H. Beebe Jr., the CEO of the NJSFDA at the time, asked to have a conversation. As we sat down, they made it clear that they understood the vision and wanted to be a part of it. New Jersey was the very first association that stood up and took the opportunity and responsibility of improving funeral service for firms and families.
Soon, we were offering training sessions, first in Princeton, then at the annual NJSFDA Convention and Expo. To date, we have trained 130 celebrants from the Garden State. And the NJSFDA has committed to having a celebrant officiate at the annual service of remembrance each year at the Convention.
And, as is often the case, as New Jersey goes, so does the rest of the profession. Following their example, soon we were being contacted by other state associations and then national associations. Since 2010, every training has been sponsored by a state, national or international association. In 2019, we held 17 trainings, including one in Bogota, Colombia. To date, we have trained 5,700 individuals from 47 states, nine Canadian provinces and 23 countries.
So, there’s the history and the numbers. But what lies beyond? What truly do celebrants do for families? What truly do celebrants do for firms?
A funeral professional meets with a family. They are given the opportunity to express what type of service would be the most healing and touching for them. They might say they do not go to church. They might say that they are spiritual but not religious. They might say that they are a mixed family with some church attendees and some who never darken the door. They might be concerned about the type of death–suicide, overdose, violence, homicide–and that their loved one would be judged or condemned. And this is when the arranger can say, “We have celebrants who can serve your family in the most personal and unique way.” And the celebrant becomes part of the journey.
The celebrant has a family meeting, creating a safe space for stories and laughter and tears and grief so the celebrant can gather up all the elements that the service. Music, video, ceremonies, speakers, final committal, whatever is right and comfortable as this family searches for ways to establish the significance of this life and communicate their loss, their love and how their lives will be forever changed.
The celebrant works with the funeral professional staff, ensuring that all parts of the service are coordinated and scripted with a story that flows through the entire experience.
And, on our best days, after the service is completed, the family will leave knowing that they did their very best to celebrate the life and mourn the death of their family member, that the guests who came to support this family will leave understanding that there is a special and healing way to hold a funeral, that the firm stands as a beacon of brave creativity and professional guidance and support.
I have had the opportunity to work extensively with a funeral director who opened a new firm in a small town of 8,000 citizens outside of Oklahoma City. He was adamant that his conservative and church-on-every-street-corner town would never accept celebrants. Still, he began offering celebrant services, and families started seeing how special and personalized these experiences could be. In the past two years, I have been honored to serve 75 percent of his families. That’s a big jump from zero.
What do these services look like? As an independent contractor who works for several firms, my time can be wide and varied and so very interesting.
In recent weeks, I was privileged to conduct the following services:
- A 74-year-old woman who died of cancer. Very well-known and popular jeweler in town. We held a Sunday evening service at the funeral home prior to Catholic liturgy and inurnment at her Catholic church the following day.
- An 85-year-old man who had multiple health issues. The service was held at a campsite next to a lake where the family had held reunions.
- An 82-year-old woman who was very simple and reclusive. The service was held at graveside in her hometown.
- A 34-year-old woman with mental health and substance abuse issues who took her own life after her children were taken into child protective services custody.
- An 84-year-old woman with multiple health problems. Shared the platform with two pastors from Pentecostal Holiness churches. Her three grandchildren and her best friend were also speakers.
- A 52-year-old man who died suddenly of a heart attack at work, leaving behind a wife and two teenage kids.
- A 55-year-old man of the Latter-day Saints faith. His family was not part of the church, so we had a celebrant service the evening before, and he had his LDS service the following day.
Each one different. Each one unique. Each one special. Each one that can never be replicated.
Sadly, Doug left us in January of this year. In his last weeks, we talked a lot about his incredible 92 years. The 42 books he had written, the places he had traveled all over the world, the impact and comfort his bereavement work had provided to millions of people. Yet, he said repeatedly that the accomplishment he was the proudest of was bringing celebrants to the North American funeral profession. That was his shining legacy, and he died knowing that he left a beacon that will continue to help and heal grieving families for the years to come.
And, because of the continuing efforts of funeral professionals around the world, and dedicated funeral associations like the NJSFDA, the work continues. We invite you to join us.
Please find information about our Certified Celebrant Training, offered by the author of this article, Marketing and Development Director of Insight Books Glenda S. Stansbury, here.
Training will run from September 16 to September 18 2025 and will take place at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Atlantic City. Registration closes July 11.